Wizard of Oz Halloween Costumes

Happy Halloween (a few weeks late)!

In 2011, we decided that Jack & Emma should do a matching Halloween costume - Mickey and Minnie was the obvious (and easy!) choice. The following year, with a new little brother in the mix, the trio was a bride, groom and best man.

This year - with four little ones between our two families, it was the Wizard of Oz. All the costumes were home made, from pretty basic materials. In fact, Hope's entire costume was the cost of a skein of yarn! The kids had a blast and it was so fun to watch people's reactions when they saw them as a group.

We're already brainstorming ideas for next year - it's become quite the tradition for our families.

...MOPS and Self-Control...

Praise the Lord for MOPS. 

Are you a MOP? (mother of a pre-schooler)

definition of pre-schooler: currently in kindergarten or younger

If you are... and you're NOT connected to a MOPS group: DO IT. 

[find a group: here]

Today we had a "mentor mom" panel which included 3 older, wiser moms who have "been there done that". They each spoke on one particular topic. Debbi spoke on Patience (ouch!); Sally spoke on Self - Control (YIKES!) and Kim rounded it out on a positive note with the topic of JOY ::happy sigh::! All three topics were beautifully covered and it was evident that the Holy Spirit was moving in and through the place (praise the Lord!)... but for me.. 

... the self-control portion... 

...sledgehammer to MY FACE!

I cried through the entire talk.  

an ugly cry

Once I composed myself and started reviewing my notes (I even got the speakers full talk in printed form afterwards).. I knew I wanted to BLOG it :) Because... remember... if I COULD I would blog every day.. **maybe one day.. in my dream world...  

Sally's words - they hit home... and they hit HARD..

..before I started composing this, I asked for permission to share her words.. but she gave the credit to MOPS material, books and articles .. so if you want SPECIFIC references, leave a comment and I can go digging for you..

She began with this story (written by a MOP)... 

keep in mind this was read out loud, slowly.. maybe read it out loud to yourself... slowly...

"My fingers dug into my daughter's arms as I glared into her face. Her eyes opened wide, my intensity captured her full attention. RAGE flooded my brain and I almost missed the small voice in my head warning me I was about to go over the edge. I stopped myself from throwing her onto the couch; instead, I set her down roughly and stepped back. 

Mommy is taking a time-out.. the words were forced out from my gritted teeth. DO NOT move off of this couch.

I will never forget the look on Maddy's face - the raw shock and fear. 

I escaped to the safety of my bedroom and wept. I wept out of sadness that I had put my hands on my daughter in such anger. I wept for the fear in my little girl's eyes. But mostly - I cried in tremendous relief. 

What if I hadn't stopped when I did? 

There was a dark moment when I came close to losing control, and for a split second, I understood how a mom could possibly harm her own child. 

But... I had been able to stop. Though the warning voice had been very quiet I had heard it..

and hearing it brought a moment of clarity. 

A moment I had been working for and praying for when I realized I could not control my anger on my own. I did not want to be an out-of-control mother. I wanted to be a mom who wouldn't act out of blind rage -- but a mom who could control herself.

and I had managed to do it.

not perfectly, but I had finally been able to hear my heart and be the mother I wanted to be in that awful moment. 

After my tears were spent, I washed my face and braced myself... I had a 4 year old to apologize to. My daughter was on the couch right where I had left her. My tears sprang up anew as I knelt down... 'I am so sorry I lost my temper, sweetie. are you okay?' she nodded. 'I am sorry for scaring you. Will you forgive me?'

Chubby arms wrapped tightly around my neck. 'I love you, momma.' Maddy squeezed tightly. I squeezed back. I will never forget what I realized that day: 

I can be more like the mom I see in my heart.

Not a perfect mom, but a mom who can learn from experience and KNOW that God is helping me because 

He doesn't expect me to become the mom I want to be all on my own."

WOW. remember what I said before? SLEDGEHAMMER TO THE FACE. I have felt like this...and what's worse.. I HAVE ignored that small voice that says, 'jenny, stop now.. this is too far.' I have apologized to Jack.. more times than I'd care to admit. I NEVER thought I would be this mom. 

never. 

ever. 

no.way.

but: my reality... parenting is a whole lot harder than I ever imagined. When will I realize, when will I get it that I CANNOT do it alone.. or in my OWN STRENGTH!? 

that it's impossible.

...so today, at MOPS, the talk went on about self-control (one of the fruits of the spirit that I DESPERATELY struggle with)...

the definition I liked that Sally gave was 'we might say that self-control is not control by oneself through one's own willpower, but rather control of oneself through the power of the Holy Spirit'

amen sister

when will I get that? when will I get my lazy butt out of bed, early in the morning, before my children, to do what I know I MUST do in order to be a good mommy & wife & friend & human being..

"wisdom is the knowledge to do right. self control enables us to do right"

... where do we get wisdom?... 

God's word is FULL of wisdom, and we are told to hide it in our hearts. Then, that still small voice (aka HOLY SPIRIT) can bring those words, that wisdom to mind.. and right before I lose my temper.. maybe I can be ENABLED to do right, via that self control. VIA the HOLY SPIRIT.. and therefore, NOT on my own.. 

.. since that NEVER works.. ::sigh:: 

Sally's talk went on to give some details about the importance of teaching self-control to our children, and some studies that were done.. but rather than focus on that here.. 

.. I wanted to simply share my heart..

parenting is hard. period.

I think most of us thought we'd do it much differently than we are doing it.

Yet - in our failures and faults.. we are given multiple opportunities to show grace to our children and model the gospel. 

as mentioned in the story above.. we can come before our kids, admit that we aren't perfect and that PRAISE GOD Jesus died for that imperfection. 

Praise God Jesus covered our sin and forgave us. 

so, Jack, as you forgive mommy, Jesus forgives mommy and Jesus forgives you

what a beautiful opportunity day in and day out we have.. to show love, compassion and kindness to our kids... as we learn to have grace and patience with OURSELVES and as we learn to forgive OURSELVES. 

Let's vow to find those areas of weakness in ourselves that we may search God's word for wisdom and hide it in our hearts.. that we may not sin against our children ...

Thank you Sally & Debbi & Kim for sharing from your hearts today, I know that I am only one of MANY that you impacted today in a powerful way. I love you so much. xoxo

Ikea Spice Rack Bookshelves

Ever since I saw images of Ikea Spice Racks being used as bookshelves, I have been itching to get my hands on some. We have an Ikea in Orlando, but every time I've been there in the past year, the spice racks have always been sold out. No surprise, as the bookshelf hack is EVERYWHERE on Pinterest). A few weeks ago, I made a spontaneous lunchtime stop and was delighted to see that the spice racks were stocked up!

I've seen them painted and wanted to possibly paint them a bright pink or blue, but Emma's bed is also from IKEA in the unfinished wood, so I decided to keep them as-is – at least for now.

To spice them up a little (haha), I used some leftover scraps from the BEAUTIFUL quilt that Monica made for Emmalyn and Hope. One of my favorite bloggers, Ashley from Under the Sycamore, wrapped an entire bed frame in fabric. Using that as inspiration, I wrapped the front slat with the half-inch wide strip of fabric and tied a knot to secure it. The end result was something that fit perfectly in the girls' room. Now Emmalyn has some of her favorite books in arm's reach, perfect for our bedtime story routine!

Doula Reimbursement

I was about 32 weeks pregnant with Hope when I thought about hiring a doula. Knowing friends who had used them, I thought it might be something I would benefit from, especially because I wanted to have a med-free birth. I emailed Charlie Rae Young, a doula that Jenny had used during her pregnancy with Noah. We met a few times before my due date and she was always available via phone or text if I had any questions. When I called my insurance company to inquire about coverage, their answer was short and to the point - "Sorry, but your insurance doesn't cover doulas. Even though I was going to pay $800 out of pocket, it was an experience I definitely didn't want to pass up. (for anyone wondering, that money covered two pre-natal home visits, the entire birth, a post partum home visit, lactation support and constant availability via text/email/phone).

I briefly wrote about how amazing it was to have a Charlie present at the birth of Hope. If anyone is on the fence or questioning having a doula for their birth experience, I say do it! You can never have too much support while you're in labor.

In January, I decided to write a letter to my insurance company, requesting reimbursement for my doula, or "labor support services." Even though I had been turned down over the phone, Charlie said it wouldn't hurt to send a letter. I mean, really, the worst they could say was no - and I'd already heard that.

Below is the letter I sent (certain areas blocked out for privacy):

(Name/Address/Phone)
DOB: x/xx/xx
(Insurance ID & Account Number)
Date of Delivery: November 15, 2012

January 8, 2013

With the labor support of Charlie Rae Young, DOULA, CLC, SM, I was able to forgo medical pain management and avoid other interventions that are costly to (insurance company), including a cesarean birth, during my recent vaginal birth at Florida Hospital.

The following were charged to (insurance company) during the birth of my first daughter on 11/15/10:

Vacuum Extract/Forceps: $197.00
Vacuum Mityvac: $126.83
Hi Risk Care per hour: $552.00 (8 hours)
Urinary Cath Ins-Foley: $202.00 (2)
OB Epidural Service: $506.00
Urinary Cath Ins-ST CA: $101.00
Daily Bed Service: $1508.00 (quicker recovery, so stayed one less night this time)

This is a savings total to (insurance company) of at least $3192.83, plus the cost of pain medication, as I used much less during the recovery period this time around. The cost of my labor support was $800.00, in which I am requesting reimbursement.

Please feel free to call with any questions.

Sincerely,
Sarah

I mailed it off, crossed my fingers, and waited to hear back. Four weeks later, I opened up my mailbox to see this:

 

I went screaming into the house, I was so excited. Progress! And my total out of pocket expenses? $230. Not bad. 

Feel free to use the above letter to start drafting a letter to YOUR insurance company. If more companies were willing to cover labor support, I'd like to think we'd be on our way to less inductions, c-sections and an all around happier birthing experience for all women. Good luck!

(*Update - I also included an itemized invoice from Charlie along with my letter - something most doulas should provide.)

Lullabies

I have this thing where I don't remember lullabies when I'm rocking my babies. What ends up coming out of my mouth is humming tunes of Christmas songs. A few weeks ago I was at Jenny's house, swaying with Hope, humming Silent Night. It comes so natural that I forget I'm doing it. This time, Brad was sitting on the couch and popped his head up -- "Is someone humming Christmas songs?!" Ha.

A few nights ago, after I had rocked Hope to sleep, Emmalyn asked me to rock her. She curled up against my chest and I started to hum Silent Night. She sat up, looked at me and said, "No mommy, not that one. Sing the song about the little girl." I have one song that I've been singing to her since she was a newborn – Que Sera, Sera by Doris Day. My mom sang it to me when I was little, and it's stuck with me ever since. I generally just sing two verses, over and over again, and apparently it's stuck with Emmalyn as well.

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother
What will I be
Will I be pretty
Will I be rich
Here's what she said to me

Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be

I don't know how long she'll let me rock her before bed, but I know it's not forever and that it will be over before I know it. So I smell her hair, wrap her up, and sing my childhood song in the darkness. Maybe one day she'll sing it to her babies...

Photo of Emmalyn at 3 weeks old by Studio 222 Photography  

 

Life Goals and Home Birth

...recently I was asked to compose a list of "50 things I wanted to be, do and/or have in life"...

..if you've never composed such a list - I highly recommend it..

two things you would find on my list:

- witness a live birth (hopefully Courtney Martinet's)

-become a doula 

The first - a dream come true - happened on July 17th, 2013

below you will find "my" birth story:

On Tuesday night, July 16th - Courtney and I both attended our Mary Kay success meeting, which just so happened to be Courtney's due date. When we got in the car at the end of the night, as I drove her home, she told me she had been having steady contractions all evening. I got very excited. I dropped her off, went home, turned my phone ringer ALL THE WAY UP and went to bed - hoping to hear from her. When I woke up on Wednesday I had a text from her that read: 

5:12am "didn't sleep too much last night. Can no longer sleep thru contractions. I think you'll be rescheduling your play date with Sarah."

Today is the day. YAY! Unfortunately for me - I had informed Sara Beth (Courtney's unborn baby) that Wednesday was the ONE day she could not come.. it was definitely the most inconvenient day for me.. (as IF that matters!) and the morning that ensued was completely Murphy's Law.. 

..but THANKFULLY my dear sweet husband agreed to work from home and my dear new friend Ashlee was supportive of me passing her little 11 month old off to a stranger.. I was BEYOND thankful to the people that HELPED ME HELP COURTNEY.. I was able to cover my child care.. so that I could be there for Courtney.. so murphy's law or not.. it worked out.. 

I arrived at Courtney's house just before 2pm and she was sweeping the kitchen floor. Apparently she had been doing laundry and cleaning - her doula, Amy, was with her as was her precious mama, Betsy.. and just before I had arrived, Charlie (her apprentice midwife, also my doula for Jack and Noah) had instructed Amy to get Courtney out for a walk. I'm certain Court wasn't excited about this.. as it was 2pm.. in FLORIDA.. in SUMMER.. the day after her DUE DATE.. but.. Courtney is the type that follows directions, and she does what she's told when it comes to authority.. something I deeply admire in her.. 

.. so.. off for a walk we went... each time she had a contraction, she leaned on mama...

this brought back personal memories for me.. walking around the birthing center with Jack.. 

As we walked... her contractions were coming regularly, and some were more intense than others.. we walked a pretty good distance and I felt hopeful that the birth would indeed be THAT day. On the walk I was able to chat with her doula a little bit about my experience with Marianne and Charlie - who were both present at my birth with Jack (well at least the 54 hours PRE birth) and about how being a doula is a lifelong dream of mine.. SINCE meeting Charlie and having my birth center experience. I think it was even before Courtney got pregnant with Sara Beth that she and I had discussed me possibly being present at the birth. She knew it was a dream of mine, and I was able to BRIEFLY labor with her when she had her 3rd baby, Ben - which sparked my interest EVEN MORE... 

..at this point in the walk I became very excited about the fact I would soon SEE Marianne and Charlie once again - as they were the midwives for THIS birth.. THIS day.. 

When we got back from the walk Courtney's contractions spaced out a bit and Amy half threatened another walk - which of course triggered a famous "stink face" of Courtney's, which totally made me smile. 

The thing about Courtney - I've known her for awhile: we met FRESHMAN year at Palm Beach Atlantic University... I've seen many sides and facets of this beautiful friend of mine.. and a favorite side of her that comes alive especially when I'm around, giving her a hard time.. I was excited to see this side IN ACTION as she labored. In the 45 min post-walk.. was when it appeared. 

If you know anything about the NATURAL progression of labor.. it looks a little bit like this:

1. Contractions - you can talk, laugh, eat, maybe sleep.. 

2. Contractions - you start to pause, they feel "serious", but you can still talk/live life

3. Contractions - you have to pause. you can't talk. you just wait out the pain

4. Contractions - not only can YOU not talk.. but no one else can either. you need total concentration, total silence.. whatever it is you personally need

5. Contractions get INTENSE and you scream, moan.. become internal.. primal.. 

6. you get naked. 

7. you have a baby

At this point (post walk).. Courtney is starting to roll her eyes, get annoyed, and show some true colors.. 

Marianne had arrived and needed to take Courtney's temperature and the thermometer she used.. took awhile.. it beeped.. and kept beeping.. and Courtney asked "how many times will we be taking my temperature?" and Marianne sweetly replied. "every 4 hours.. it's very good that you find this so annoying."

I too realized what a good thing it was that her mood was changing from a very good one.. very conversational.. to slightly annoyed :) this meant progress... 

From this point on.. labor was in full swing and Courtney was working her way around her living room during contractions. We started on one couch.. and then moved to the counter. It was at the counter that I was really able to start helping support her during each contraction:

Amy (her doula) on the left, me, her mama on the right

I remember thinking how in control she seemed of each contraction. She hadn't started moaning yet.. she was just breathing deeply through each one.. and I was in awe of how focused she seemed. When her 3rd child was born.. I was able to labor briefly with her and there were moments of panic, desperation, "I can't do this" and this time around - she seemed as though she was prepared to do this, to accomplish a natural birth at home, and she just seemed so natural at it.

Amy and I worked together to relieve some pressure during contractions. Amy was constantly encouraging.. Courts mom was always close by offering a hand, a kiss and a loving word and in the background you would find Marianne and Charlie, checking the baby's heart rate, checking Court's blood pressure, making sure she was eating and doing all the things she needed to do... 

..it was shortly after this that Michael arrived home and he helped through several contractions.. but eventually Courtney moved to the middle of the living room... at this point there was no more background chatting in between contractions - everyone was invested in the mood and the atmosphere... the room was dim, it was rainy/cloudy outside and the house was silent..

...well, except during contractions!.. because by now.. Courtney was MOANING IT OUT!.. 

**something I looked forward to.. hehe

some of the details are foggy... but at one point, while Courtney was in the middle of the living room, she told Amy and I to take off her pants... THIS made me VERY EXCITED.. because once mama gets naked... baby's a'comin'! .. I remember being beside myself excited once we did that.. and the next thing I noticed.. was that Marianne and Charlie snuck away... they had gone into Courtney's bedroom.. where the plastic sheets and chuck pads were.. in preparation for birth.. 

in all the stories I hear of home births, or birthing center births.. mommas have an idea (maybe) of where they want to have baby.. but often times.. the baby ends up arriving somewhere different.. I love that labor/child birth can be so primal, instinctual.. that you really can't quite plan it out. 

mama and daughter..

so.. as Courtney contracted, Marianne and Charlie set up a large table cloth under Courtney and they started spreading the chuck pads (at least I think that's what they are called!) all around.. they started getting gloves and gauze out and situated.. so as an observer.. I was just in awe of how they could anticipate what was happening... sure, Courtney's contractions and moaning were intense.. but they knew to move to action. 

...one thing I want to record at this point - so I will forever remember it - was how emotional I got every time that Marianne took the doppler to Courts belly to listen to little Sara's heart rate... I've heard plenty of fetal heart rate sounds before.. but for whatever reason.. I just could not contain my tears.. I had to rush, between contractions to the bathroom to wipe my eyes, blow my nose and wash my hands.. just knowing .. that little baby... who was about to come out.. was right there.. in her belly... healthy and happy as could be.. with a beautifully strong heart rate.. 

what a miracle. 

at one point Courtney was leaning back on me, and as I supported her.. she had 2 or 3 contractions right on top of each other.. no break for her.. no break for me! I thought 2 things at that point: 

 1. wow.. my arms are tired.. can't imagine how exhausting and painful that must have been for my dear friend and 

2. if we are getting close.. I really need to let Michael in.. I was occupying this beautiful intimate place.. and I knew that at some point Michael and I would need to switch places.. 

 I whispered to Courtney "hey, when you want me to switch with Michael, you just let me know".. and sure enough, 2 contractions or so later.. Michael took over.

Thankfully there were people in attendance who were smarter than we were.. because the position we (Michael and I) were occupying involved holding Courtney's body weight up during a contraction - not easy! So Marianne told Michael to move to the couch, and he could support Courtney that way - which also told me.. OH, that makes baby's exit door much more accessible.. again.. I thought "BABY IS A'COMIN'!"

 ..this would be Courtney's final labor position.. some thoughts I had had up to this point were how impressed I was that Courtney just gave in, she allowed her body to do the work, and she had a mental game that must have been forcing her to focus her concentration. Later I did come to find out that Court was absolutely having a conversation with herself.. in her head.. during all of this.. maybe she can guest blog her experience :) .. but I knew that through all of this.. she was believing in herself.. her moans were long, controlled, and beautiful. Her mom later called them her "baby song" which I thought was beautifully clever... 

... time was flying.. I couldn't believe that it seemed so close.. I felt as though I had just arrived!  but once Court was on the couch.. the birthing ball was in the way.. there was some readjusting to make sure that Court would be physically supported as well as in good position for Charlie to catch the baby :)

I was so thrilled to watch Charlie and Marianne in action because again, they were both present for Jack.. and Charlie was my doula for Noah.. so I have a personal connection and a deep holy respect for them, and what they do.. I was just so thrilled to be present WITH THEM at the birth of a best friend's baby.. I mean.. talk about DREAM COME TRUE.. 

This last part of the story contains several of my personal favorite moments (which I will mark in bold).. 

I was now on Courts right side, holding her hand, and her mama was on her left, holding that hand.. her mom and I were facing each other and we were watching Courts belly during contractions and there were 2 in a row where not only did we see her tummy harden.. but we could see these little ripples moving downward right by her belly button and then you could see a foot (or some body part) pushing outward.. but definitely downward. It was as if we were just watching this little precious baby move down the birth canal right in front of our eyes... our eyes were wide as we mouthed to each other "DID YOU SEE THAT!?! WASN'T THAT AWESOME!?".. 

at this point.. Court still had her cute pink undies on.. and I looked at Amy and mouthed, "Um.. should we cut off her undies?" and Amy said.. "no, I think Marianne and Charlie will take care of that..".. so I just kept focusing on Courtney - squeezing the life out of my hand during each INTENSE contraction. 

I heard Marianne say, "okay Courtney, we are going to take off your underwear"... and Court shook her head no and prepared for another contraction.. 

... SPLASH! 

Courtney's water broke... everywhere.. all over us... 

.... and the couch. 

my thoughts: THAT WAS AWESOME!!! 

meanwhile, Courtney is signing "sorry".. with her hand.. 

i was smiling like a fool... coolest thing ever.. splash zone.. water broken.. amazing.. 

after THAT .. we took off her underwear.. and prepared for baby.. :) I still thought we potentially had a little while to wait.. but as her undies came off.. Charlie was right there with a warm compress and she said, "okay Courtney, she is right here".. Besty (courts mama) and I looked at each other.. and then both looked "down there" and what do you know.. there was a head full of hair about to emerge... 

.. court had another contraction and MOAAAAAANED.. but it did not appear that she had pushed up to this point, or was pushing.. she was just MOAAAANINNNG... and BOOM out pops the head and sweet little neck... 

.. Charlie said, "okay Courtney, slow down.. you need to breathe through these" and for the first time in labor, Courtney's eyes were OPEN.. WIDE.. like a cartoon character and she was doing the old school, what you see in the movies, breathing.. WHEW WHEW WHEW WHEW .. and not even moments later Sara Beth came flying out.. and Charlie placed her right up on Courtney's chest: 

July 17th, 2013 6:04pm; 8 pounds 3 ounces (aka PERFECT) 

..fresh.. sweet baby.. straight from the belly.. what a miracle.. I lost it... started bawling... cried like a little baby :) 

now.. I could go on.. and tell the details of the remaining 3 hours until I went home.. but that wasn't my focus in writing this blog.. I wrote it because I wanted to forever remember this experience with my dear friend.. and I also wanted to reflect on how INCREDIBLE she did during a natural labor experience at home. 

.. she was strong.. she acted so natural.. and for heaven's sake.. SHE BREATHED HER BABY OUT.. 

..she, Courtney Martinet, blew my mind that day (as I knew she would.. if she allowed me to witness such a miracle).. and I could not be more proud of her...

I am BEYOND thankful that she and Michael allowed me to be such an intimate part of such a miraculous experience.. I will be forever grateful.. 

I love this family.. and I love this friend.. I am so thankful that our husbands grew up in Polk County, Florida.. and BOTH decided to "move home" to raise families. 

I am so thankful that Palm Beach Atlantic University brought us all together.. 

.. I am just.. plain.. thankful. .. 

heathy baby. healthy mama. happy daddy.

(beautiful midwife!)

aren't they JUST beautiful: 

"hi mom, it's nice to meet you." - sara beth

In closing, I hope to be a doula one day.. I hope to join with other mamas on their birth journeys of bringing new life into this world.. and I'm so thrilled to have had this experience to look back on. 

I'm including a few links.. if you are looking for a midwife, doula or other natural birth services.. you can click here and here.. and I highly recommend you do. 

All edited (black and white) photos were thanks to Sarah Matthews, my dear sweet co-blogger.

I leave you with this image: sweet Sara Beth, 4 days old - 

taken and edited by Sarah Matthews

Happy Father's Day

After seeing some chalk drawings on Pinterest, I attempted a chalk drawing photo shoot on the driveway a few days ago. It was hot and humid. Hope was crying. Emma was repeatedly saying, "Mommy, I'm done." I was standing on a ladder and sweating. Despite the elements, I'm pretty happy with the final product. (text added in Photoshop)

Happy Father's Day!